Bereavment

[cluckie]

When you look back on yesterday without regret and look forward to tomorrow without fear then you've started living in today

[cluckie]

Nothing beautiful in this world is ever really lost.
All things loved live in our hearts forever

Chin Up

[cath2010]

I feel so lost. Im 19 years old and my mum has just been told she has 3=6months to live, my dad died on my 8th birthday and Im a student in Scotland. As soon as they told us the news, she said i had to go back to uni and build my life up, but I feel so guilty each time I smile or laugh. I dont understand why this is happening. I feel so alone and hurt. I cant bear the thought of being alone in the world. My mum is only 50. I dont know who to talk too or what to say. I put a front on and pretend im happy but I feel so much pain inside. I cant sleep and feel guilty when I eat or just do normal day to day things. I just dont know what to do, or how I am meant to feel. I hate cancer with my all my heart. I dont want to sound selfish or be a burden because I am the healthy one with out cancer but I feel soo much pain inside I cant take it.

[cluckie]

Hi Cath
Welcome to the forum
All these feelings you are having are perfectly normal and by posting on this site you are no longer alone you will as I did receive all the help and support we can offer having experienced similar situations.
The one thing you are not is a burden this forum was set up by a lady who was in recovery from Cancer and helped many people patients relatives and carers but sadly passed away in December 2009.
You don't say if you have any other sibblings to share your concerns with so keep posting here and you will get plenty help.
3 to 6 months is a long time and the medics seldom get it right my wife was given days and lived for a further 8 Months.
If you let us know what type of cancer your mum has there may be others who have more experience in that particular area.

Stay Strong

Chin Up

[isorod]

Hi everyone,

As promised on the other thread I will continue my journey here.

Three long weeks since Rod died and I am still wading through masses of paper work - a real chore but necessary. Of special importance to all reading this post - Rod did not leave a will, as much my fault as his but it certainly complicates the situation. As things were most of our affairs were in either joint names or mine - only because I set things up when we moved here. My advise to everyone is please make a will if only to make things simpler for those left behind - I certainly intend to.

My family, friends - including those from the Cancer Researc UK shop and members of this and CC forums have been a great support to me and I thank you all for that.

I would like to share with you a reading that my daughter-in-law gave at Rod's cremation. It was sent to me by a nursing colleague of many years and I find it very comforting.

His Journey's Just Begun

Don't think of him as gone away
his journey's just begun;
Life holds so many facets - this earth is only one.
Just think of him as resting
from the sorrows and the tears
in a place of warmth and comfort
where there are no days and years.
Think how he must be wishing
that we could know, today,
how nothing but our sadness can really pass away.
And think of him as living
in the hearts of those he touched.......
for nothing loved is ever lost -
and he was loved so much.

Ellen Brenneman

Thank you for reading. isorod

[cluckie]

Hi Isorod
What a lovely reading it says it all.
I couldn't agree more regards leaving a will MO and I sat down and done them together before she passed away and it made things a lot easier for me after the event,just wish somebody would tell the D.W.P. 6 months down the line and i get a letter demanding repayment of monies overpaid way back then.
Just when you think you are moving forward with your life and they bring it all back Grrrrr any way it's paid back and that should be the end of it.
Hope your coping as I know it's not easy but give time time it gets easier a day at a time.

Thoughts as always
David

[Tonysong]

Hello,

Isorod, I was chatting with Canasta on her thread and she was kind enough to point me in this direction.

I have read through Rod and your journey and am so sorry for the absolute roller coaster that you have been through.

I started several other lines and nothing sounded right so will leave it there for the time being.

Kindest Regards

Tony x

[cluckie]

Hi Tony
Welcome to the forum
Don't know if Isorod has access to the site at the moment but be sure she will be in touch as soon as it's possible.
Take Care

Cluckie

[isorod]

Hi Tony,
At last I am able to contribute again after a terrible few weeks. Thank you for your posts here and on CC, I am at a loss to know if you have received my private e-mails - I have sent you two but not received a reply, forgive me for persuing this as I know you have so much going on just now that there are certainly other priorities.

There has been so much going on with my health over the last two weeks that the grieving process seems to have been put on the back burner however I am home now and trying to rebuild my life without Rod and with a pacemaker!! I try to keep busy but at the moment I am a little restricted with my wound so trying to concentrate on the forums but find it difficult to get into the swing of things.

It is a lonely and quiet life as Rod was such a social person and for the last nineteen years since he had his heart attack and we retired we were always together so you can see how it is.

Family and friends have been supportive and 'there' for me but there are still many hours to fill and times when I don't feel like doping anything but I suppose that is all part of life.

I did add a short post on your thread on CC Tony, I now see you are back in the swing of things which is good but please up date us on your journey as well as supporting othersd. I often find it is therapeutic to me writing about my situation and have had a few hurdles to get over recently!!!

Please keep me posted, as ever good vibes and best wishes to you and Fran. isorod.

[Tonysong]

Isorod,

Are human beings incredibly resilient - after all that has happened in recent weeks and now the pacemaker you are still standing strong....I am sure that picture is not always right and hopefully you allow yourself some personal moments?

I do hope you find peace soon and not just the quiet type - I can only imagine that to hear Rod's voice would be amazingly welcome for you.

Sorry I have not replied to your mails - I will check and respond to them soon, my PC has completely fried so took the opportunity to relax and fcus on me for a short while...

Kindest Regards my friend

Tony